Lucy
by Little Miss Julia
Summary: After losing her, Natsu can't forgive himself. He visits her grave and thinks back on everything. He thinks about just how much he misses his Lucy. One-Shot. Song used: Lucy by: Skillet


**Disclaimer:** No matter how much I wish I did, I don't own Fairy Tail or any of its characters. All rights go to _Hiro Mashima_, seeing as without him I wouldn't have been able to write this.

**Dedications:** I'd like to dedicate this to my late great-grandmother. I miss you Nana and I love you.

**Hey Lucy, I remember your name**

When they had first met, Natsu had called her so many different things. He had forgotten her name easily in the beginning, but after a while her name was all he could think about. He remembered her every movement from the way she swayed her hips when she walked to the way that she only used her left hand to wipe away her tears. Yes, Natsu remembered her name and he remembered everything about her.

**I left a dozen roses on your grave today**

Roses were her favorite. Natsu had learned this after he followed her one day and found out that she had been caring for a rose bush in the park that had been ignored by everyone else. When confronted about it, she had blushed in that cute way and told her teammate that she thought roses were beautifully sad flowers. Their beauty made you want to hold them in your hands, but when you tried their thorns hurt you. It was at that point that Natsu started viewing Lucy as his rose; she was the most beautiful thing and he was willing to deal with her thorns as long as she could be his.

That is why he brought her roses.

**I'm in the grass on my knees,**

The grass was damp from nighttime dew, but Natsu didn't care. He kneeled before her grave despite the awkward feeling that crept upon his knees. He could never fully make amends for what he did, but maybe kneeling in soaking grass could help.

**Wipe the leaves away**

It had been months since the funeral and Natsu hadn't visited the grave since then. He had felt too at fault and he couldn't face Lucy after what he had done. In the months that had passed, the trees had turned the different colors of fall and their leaves had cascaded down to Earth. A few of them had landed on the grave and Natsu wiped them away, not wanting anything to distort the beautifully engraved remembrance of his rose, his Lucy.

**I just came to talk for a while**

Natsu didn't know if Lucy could hear him or even if she was willing to listen to him. The fire mage hadn't talked to anyone about the incident and even though others tried to tell him that it wasn't his fault and that Lucy would never blame him, Natsu couldn't bring himself to believe that. He had let her down, he had let her get captured, he had let her die.

**I got some things I need to say**

Despite all of that, though, Natsu knew he had to try. He had to try and talk to her; had to try telling Lucy just how sorry he was. He didn't want to be forgiven, but if he could just let it all out maybe, just maybe, he could start forgiving himself. He needed to apologize and he needed to know that he had done all that he could have to tell her that he was hurting.

**Now that it's over**

Lucy's eyes as they went vacant. That was the thing that stuck with Natsu the most. As he held her in his arms – so much blood – he tried to get her to stay with him. He tried to tell her how sorry he was, but before he could fix what he had broken, it was over.

**I just wanna hold her**

Natsu could remember the night that he had sat with Lucy and just held her and held her until the tears were all gone. She had been crying because of a Fairy Tail member's death and even though he was hurting as well, Natsu had stayed with Lucy and held her through the entire night. After she was done crying, Lucy had just held onto him, not wanting to let go. Natsu didn't mind and he just held her tighter. The longing to go back to that night was so great it made Natsu's eyes start to water all over again.

**I'd give up all the world to**

Natsu would give anything, anything…

**see that little piece of heaven looking**

…if only he could see her smile once more…

**back at me**

…and see the love in her eyes that so matched his.

**Now that it's over**

There was no way that Natsu could go back and make change what had happened. He couldn't stop the bleeding and he couldn't keep her heart pounding. He couldn't use his fire to make her hands warm and he couldn't bring her back to him.

Her life was over.

**I just wanna hold her**

To wrap his arms around her thin waist and feel her jump at his warm touch, Natsu would do anything. He wanted to feel her pressed against his chest and wanted to be able to hold her as long as he wished. He wanted to be able to have her so close that he could whisper his "I love you"s into her ear and have no one else hear them. He wanted her in his arms.

**I've gotta live with the choices I made**

He used up all of his energy fighting that crazed mountain mage instead of saving some of it in case Lucy needed him. He had defeated the mountain mage instead of worrying about his apprentice attacking Lucy. He had beaten down the apprentice instead of taking care of Lucy first. He had whispered "I'm sorry" instead of "I love you" when she was in his arms for the last time.

**And I can't live with myself today**

Gray had caught him once, Erza another. Both times Natsu was crying and repeating Lucy's name over and over. They had saved him before he could do anything horrible, but the pain was still there. Natsu couldn't forgive himself and he knew he didn't deserve to.

**Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday**

Natsu had been present at four of Lucy's birthdays. The first time he had forgotten a gift. After realizing how sad she was at not getting one from him, Natsu had run around town for hours trying to find the perfect gift. He had settled on a book called "The Rose Petal". The next year it was a rose hair clip. The third year Natsu gave her a beautiful painting of a rose. The fourth year she got a blanket with a rose pattern on it.

The day Natsu knelt before Lucy's grave would've been the fifth birthday.

**They said it'd bring some closure to say your name**

Natsu only spoke Lucy's name those times when he had been stopped from hurting himself by Gray and Erza. Besides that he hadn't spoken Lucy's name since her death. Everyone told him to say it. They told him to remember the good times, talk about her, and get closure.

**I know I'd do it all different**

He wouldn't choose to fight. He would save Lucy. He wouldn't let her get hurt. He would hold her tighter. He wouldn't let anyone get near her. He would tell her he loved her over and over and over again until she got sick of it. He wouldn't let her die. He would make sure that she was always safe in his arms.

**If I had the chance**

Natsu knew that there weren't any second chances. He had done what he had done and made the mistakes that he had made. He had no chance of changing them. And that's what he hated the most.

**But all I got are these roses to give**

Lucy loved roses and in the end that was all Natsu could give her. He couldn't give her back her life and he couldn't give her the chance to live past her twenties. He could just set those birthday roses down on her grave, knowing that in life Lucy would have been so happy at the sight of them that she would tell Natsu she loved him over a hundred times while they laid in bed together.

**And they can't help me make amends  
**

Nothing could bring redemption for what Natsu had done. Nothing could help him believe that he even deserved redemption. Nothing could make Lucy forgive him and nothing would bring her back to him.

**Here we are**

A dream of the past. Natsu had been having them so frequently that half the time he would awake and believe that she was there with him in bed. He would tighten his grip as though pulling her body closer to his under the blankets, but all he would grasp would be air.

**Now you're in my arms**

The best dreams were when she was in his arms. It was, truly, the one thing that he wanted above all else. There was no chance that it could ever happen, yet still he longed for it.

**I never wanted anything so bad**

Not food, not power, not magic, not skills. Not rooms, not scars, not enemies, not friends. Nothing could compare to the longing that Natsu felt to have Lucy with him once more.

**Here we are for a brand new start**

What if he had realized his feelings for her earlier? Maybe he would've been more protective over her and would've been able to save her. What if he hadn't been blinded by the large cash reward? Maybe they wouldn't have gone out on that mission. What if they could start over?

**Living the life that we could've had**

Maybe getting married. He would've proposed with roses. They once talked about kids while lying in bed. Natsu wanted ten, Lucy thought maybe two was a better number to aim at for starters. They would've grown old together and loved each other through the entire time. And Natsu would always think that Lucy was beautiful, no matter what.

**Me and Lucy walking hand in hand**

The two lovers, friends, and teammates had often walked together hand in hand. Even before he had finally voiced his feelings for his blonde Lucy, Natsu would grab her hand and drag her from one adventure to the next. She always held on tightly to his hand, though, not matter where they went or how dangerous it was. She would always be there with him.

**Me and Lucy never wanna end**

They had been so happy. Natsu had loved her and she had loved him. How could something like that end so abruptly? How could the wondrous road they were walking along suddenly just end? Natsu loved her with all his heart, and he had been the one that pulled her, hand-in-hand, to the end of her road.

**Just another moment in your eyes **

Those eyes were so beautiful and full of life. When Natsu held her as she took her last breaths, Lucy's eyes were open and looking right at him. Even as her life dwindled away, Lucy's eyes sparkled with happiness. Why she was happy Natsu could never understand.

It was because she was glad that he was safe.

**I'll see you in another life**

Someday, Natsu knew, he would die and he would see Lucy again. Maybe it wouldn't be for a while, but someday he would see her and she would be just as beautiful as ever. Maybe she wouldn't have forgiven him just yet, but Natsu would spend eternity showing her how much he loved her and hanging onto the small speck of hope that she could love him back once again.

**In heaven where we never say goodbye**

He'd be able to be with her forever and he wouldn't waste any of that time. He would make sure that they never had to say goodbye ever again.

**Here we are, now you're in my arms**

It was his biggest longing, to have her in his arms.

**Here we are for a brand new start**

If only they could start over from the beginning.

**Got to live with the choices I've made**

Natsu would walk the Earth with that remorse always holding him down for the rest of his days.

**And I can't live with myself today**

He couldn't forgive himself and he knew that he didn't deserve to live, but he couldn't try to hurt himself again. It would've made Lucy sad, he realized that now.**  
**  
**Me and Lucy walking hand in hand**

To feel her warm hand in his. If only.

**Me and Lucy never wanna end**

He wanted her forever. He wanted her now. He wanted her.

**Got to live with the choices I've made**

He would live with his choices and his mistakes. He would live with them until he died and was able to tell Lucy he loved her and tell her how sorry he was.

**And I can't live with myself today**

But he will.

**Hey Lucy, I remember your name**

And Natsu would never forget her name. He would always remember her and he would always smile for her. She was his rose. She was his Lucy.

"I love you Lucy."

**Author's Corner –** Well, I love this pairing and I thought this song was PERFECT for them… if Lucy died (dear lord no! I would cry my eyes out). I hope you enjoyed this.

Sincerely Yours,

Julia


End file.
